Imagine Being a Photocopier
by China Dolly
Summary: Imagine being a photocopier. Who ever knew you'd have to treat it like a woman to get it to work... Shounen ai


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto

"Ugh,"

A growl passes my lips and I resist the urge to kick the hell out of the machine in front of me. As a loud, beeping noise erupts from it, the screen flashing annoyingly at me that there's some sort of 'Paper Jam' I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Troublesome."

Gods, this has to be the third time today the machine has let me down and I can't help but feel both disappointed and annoyed.

In this day and age we can't even get a photocopier to move the proper way. So much for evolution.

I squat down, a scowl probably very clear on my face but I don't care even if the whole office can see, and try to get the paper that the machine says is stuck out of its place.

Suddenly the paper moves when I pull it a bit and finally, after a few tries, I succeed in pulling it out completely.

"Hah," with a grin I throw the paper in the nearest garbage disposal and, after hitting a few buttons on the screen of the photocopier, I put my stack of papers in again.

"Round two," I mutter, praying to whoever will hear me that there won't be a round three needed to finish this routine task that's starting to look more and more like a boxing match.

I shove my hands in my pockets, waiting patiently with a small smile on my face as finally the photocopier is doing what it's supposed to do.

Paper after paper goes through easily and the stack of finished copies gets higher with the second. "Finally," I mumble, relieved that for once I don't…

_Beep, beep, beep_

The loud, annoying sound is back and the screen is flashing at me again, almost as if it's greeting me from a long absence.

"Fuck!"

I seethe in anger, worrying my lip and closing my eyes as I try to calm myself down. Okay, try to imagine being a photocopier.

Copying, scanning and spitting out papers all day long and getting harassed by people hitting and kicking you if you so much as have to think about what to do for a second too long. And that's not even thinking about the occasional round of hot sex on top of you and the idiots copying either their face or genitals because they're drunk or consider it fun.

Yeah, I'd pretend to kick the bucket too every so often. Just for the heck of it.

"Crappy, troublesome piece of shit."

Suddenly the scene in _Office Space_ where Peter Gibbons, Samir Nagheenanajar and Michael Bolton destroy a photocopier that's been bothering them for years with dramatic music to boot makes perfect sense.

"You have to treat it like a woman."

A voice, husky and laced with amusement, reaches my ears and, trying to suppress my scowl since I don't know who is talking to me, I quickly turn around.

"Excuse me?" I raise an eyebrow yet a soft gasp passes my lips when I see the man that spoke to me.

Everyone in the office knows him, you'd have to be a fool not to. Twenty-six and manager of the Nagasaki district of Konoha Electronics Inc., he sure is a guy most people in the office look up to. Yet besides being smart and a hard worker I now realize that Neji Hyuuga is one hell of a good-looking guy as well.

His suit is a disgusting marine-blue colour that should be ugly but it fits so well with his gorgeous pale skin and long, chocolate-coloured hair. And that amused smirk that graces his features should annoy the heck out of me but instead I can't help but watch him and wonder what he'd look like in a casual outfit hanging out on the couch on a Sunday afternoon.

The thought I want to be next to him on that Sunday afternoon doesn't even scare me.

I've known I'm gay for as long as I can remember and I've never failed from falling for a man I can't have. So to think these things and start liking the guy solely on his looks is nothing new to me.

He chuckles then, a rich and husky sound that sends a shiver down my spine, and takes a few steps forward until he is standing next to the photocopier. He pats it softly and smirks at me. "I said, you have to treat it like a woman."

I frown. Maybe Neji Hyuuga's had a rather nasty meeting with an opening door to make him say something as idiotic as that. "And how am I supposed to do that?"

"Don't know how to treat a woman?" He is obviously amused by my cluelessness.

I scoff, the words "I don't deal with women," passing my lips as a mistake and I can't help but flush as I realize I just admitted that I'm gay. Because that's what the words mean, if the person listening listens closely enough. Which I'm sure Neji will do.

A laugh passes Neji's lips and his shoulders shake as he is caught in a short moment of amusement. "Me neither, they tend to need a whole lot of patience and tenderness."

My eyes widen at the statement, my heart skips a beat and I watch Neji in something that must look like amazement.

Here is one of the most gorgeous of men I've ever met and he's telling me he's gay. In the copy-room of the office I work at. And then I'm not even thinking about the fact he's the manager and could fire my sorry ass if he wishes too.

But, as if he hasn't just told me that he's as gay as I am, he pats the photocopier again and says with a smirk: "Maybe all the photocopier needs is some tender love, Shikamaru."

"How do you know my name?" I blurt. Suddenly I'm not all that interested in the many ways I can possibly love a photocopier.

Neji chuckles and steps forward to pat my shoulder. "I'm the manager, Shikamaru. It's my job to know that sort of thing."

Then, before giving me a second to respond, he leans in slightly closer and murmurs: "You know where to find my office if you can't give the photocopier enough love."

I freeze in my place, the words strangely erotic on one side and on the other side I just can't believe I'm actually hearing this correct.

Neji Hyuuga, my boss, is gay and hitting on me while I thought he didn't even know my name.

Well fuck me.

I try to think of some sort of a reply, but I guess that working a boring desk-job is deadly even for a genius mind such as my own for I can't seem to comprehend a witty comeback. In fact, I find myself unable to come up with any comeback to that at all and Neji takes full advantage of that.

"Good luck with the photocopier, Shikamaru."

Neji's voice washes over me, his husky tone forcing a shiver down my spine and before I can even properly register exactly what he's said he turns around and makes his way to his office.

"Come on, you can do it."

I might be a complete and utter fool for actually talking to the photocopier, but at least it's been working properly ever since I did that.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

A crude, loud voice interrupts my friendly one-sided conversation with the photocopier and with I scowl I realize there's only one person it can be.

"Kiba," I sigh and turn around to face my wild-haired co-worker who is looking at me as if I've grown a second head. "I am motivating the photocopier to do his work properly."

Gods, I must sound like I came straight from the loony bin and forgot to take my prescription drugs with me.

"Dude," Kiba shakes his head at me, a frown on his face. "It's a freaking photocopier."

"It's the only way the stupid thing works without getting a paper jam." I say with a slightly irritated sigh.

_Beep, beep, beep_

The fucker of a machine starts beeping again, screen flashing like it's mocking me and Kiba barks a laugh.

"Seems to me that ain't working so good, buddy." He chuckles and pats my shoulder in a friendly way.

"Fucking piece of machinery!"

I grab the papers, stalk out of the copy room with Kiba's laughter following me through the hallway and when I pass my assistant's desk I throw the entire stack down onto it.

"Ino, I need this copied five times."

Needless to say, my assistant will probably be stuck copying papers the rest of her career and I'll be sure to visit Neji Hyuuga in that prissy office of his to tell him that even with my love the photocopier refused to work.

Who knows what ways he'll know to love the photocopier even more...


End file.
